Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Sometimes You Just Gotta Do You

Summer is slipping through my fingers... I can feel it. Connor and I meet his kindergarten teacher tomorrow, and Thursday is my first day of orientation at Ohio Northern where I embark on my new journey into law school. Part of me is ready for this next step now that the house is pretty well finished (we agree that it now feels like home even though we've started yet another painting project), and I'm starting to get so bored with the lack of things to do that I'm actually picking up shifts at work. So yeah, it's probably time to get back in the swing of things.

Maybe it isn't that I'm not ready for the responsibility or time commitment again, but more so a fear of failure that freaks me out about law school. It's like the WOD tonight at Crossfit--deads aren't a problem for me, but once I had the bar at 135# and realized I was gonna have to do 10.. then 15.. then 20 at that weight, well, let's just say I wasn't so confident. Especially since I'm just starting to feel like I'm getting back into my groove after those shitty 5 weeks off. For a split second my confidence waivered.. I thought about dropping some weight and maybe just hitting 115 or 125, but of course my inner hardass said fuck that and left it the way it was--and it wasn't that bad. Yeah, I struggled a little more than if I'd dropped down. I arched my back too many times, had to throw off my gloves and use a switch grip halfway through, stopped a few times. But I made it. Yesterday was the same way when Mark had us do 85% of our max thruster. Normally I would have been content with doing 65#, but I knew he had it set in his head that I was going to do at least 70 so I did and it made me feel good to move up--even if it was just by 5 lbs.

Life is all about moving up, accepting change, making yourself (and hopefully those around you) stop accepting mediocrity and strive for better. So that's the plan--to stop settling for halfassedness. Unfortunately some of the closest people to us are the ones who sabotage our efforts the most, and the support and encouragement comes from unexpected places. The hard part about that for me is stepping up and taking charge of my own life instead of making excuses or letting what other people want me to do influence the choices I'm making for myself. Because at the end of the day, I'm the one who has to live with the consequences. I hope everyone can respect that, but I expect a few people to get their feathers ruffled over this change of attitude. But then again, you know I never really have been one to give a damn what anyone else thinks ;)

1 comment:

  1. I can SOOOO relate to that last paragraph!..