Thursday, October 20, 2011

Big Black "S"

I've become too complacent with my life at home. It's been creeping up on me for awhile, and the time has come to face the music before it gets out of control. There's a power struggle involved between the side of me that has gotten set in my health(ier) ways and the side that wants to join in with everyone else while they're eating drumsticks without a care in the world. Most of the time I can make the right decision without skipping a beat; I haven't eaten fast food but maybe once in the past few months, I quit smoking again, always pack a good lunch for school.. but as soon as I make that one bad decision it's like a domino effect and 10 more follow. Seriously.. bad news bears every damn time. Clearly I'm just not the kind of person who can have a small cheat, things get ugly. I'm not opposed to the occasional bad life decision (ie-a night of boozing or a sweet treat on the weekend), but chinese food followed by 6 cookies is unacceptable by any standard.

Yesterday I was cruisin the Crossfit Lisbeth site checking out old articles and essays, and I ran across a 2008 writing she did that felt like it was meant just for me, it was called "Sacrifice" It made me realize that when I make the right choice it isn't about deprivation, it's about giving up something to get something else I want more. A novel concept I know; most of the time the thought of sacrificing leaves a bad taste in our mouth. Let's be honest, nobody wants to give up their vices. But if it can be framed in terms of getting something better in return, it just might be worth it.

Since I can be really good at dodging accountability for things when they don't fall in line with what I want in the moment, I decided I needed to do something symbolic to keep the concept fresh in my mind. So until it becomes an ingrained part of my psyche, I'm going to put a big black S on my arm to look at every time I feel like doing the wrong thing. It'll be like having a tiny Mark Cubberley with me at all times to call me out when I'm making an asshole move!

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