Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Learning to Deal

Some moments in your life come equipped with perfect recall.. good or bad, they're the ones you remember down to the last detail be it the next day or the next decade. Tomorrow is one of those days for me. October 12th.. it's funny how it can be just another random date for everyone else, but every time I hear it there's this visceral, gut-wrenching reaction within me. Seems like the passing of so much time should have some effect to make it less painful, but here I am 15 years later and it still feels like yesterday we lost them.

I don't talk about it a lot to people who don't already know about what happened to our family, but in 1996 my grandparents and uncle were killed in a car accident. Nobody can really understand what it's like to go through something so traumatic unless they've been there. People just expect you to get over it. The real fucking kicker is that you never really get over it; you find ways to deal and the day to day hurt diminishes a lot. But then a birthday or a familiar season sneaks up on you, or in this case the anniversary of the accident, and it's like rubbing salt into a fresh wound all over again.

And in that moment, on that day, you just want someone to get it. For someone to just snatch you up and tell you exactly what you need to hear to get through that day.. give you a little bit of their courage when you're running low on your own. Or maybe you need to be that guy for somebody else. Either way remember to be thankful for the great people in your life, and for God sakes don't let a moment pass you by--everyone deserves to know how much they're loved TODAY.

I've spent the last 15 years learning how to deal with life without them.. at this rate it looks like I'll spend the rest of my life still trying to figure it out. Truth is, you never get used to living without the people who mean the most. The pain and the scar just becomes a part of you that after awhile only certain people still notice, like it was there all along. If you're lucky you'll eventually find people and habits and things you love that fill the void on the worst days, and be left with a few bittersweet memories to recall on the rest.


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